packinese

The 2 policemans circle me. I sit on a chair, my feet dangling close to the barren floor. The Bigger of the Cops tosses a clipboard down on the table. I sneak a glance at the papers stapled to the clipboard. 2nd Cop, fatter and uglier than his partner, stand in the shadows.

COP #1: We've got you, man. 3 counts of public urination, 2 counts of public defecation, and 1 count of indecent exposure.

COP #2: You should really consider investing in a pair of pants, furball.

Me: Investing? You mean like percents?

COP #1: No more bullshit! Sign the confession!

I twitch my tail and blink my eyes.

COP #2: What is your name?

COP#1: We're running your prints through the database right now!

COP#2: What do they call you?

Me: The Fatman calls me Fatso....

COP#1: Phat So, eh?

He points at his partner.

COP#1: Told you he was part of the Vietnamese Mafia!

COP #2: Ever been in the 'nam, Phat So?

Me: Oh yeah, yeah, sure you betcha. I was everywhere: Dat Ngyuen, Hoo Flung Poo, Hung Rhee...I was deep, deep undercover...always vacancy at the Hanoi Hilton...

FLASHBACK -

VIETNAM - 1967

I, dressed in my tattered soldier's uniform, play Russian Roulette with John McCain (also wearing his tattered air force uniform) while a gang of Viet Cong bet on who will shoot themselves in the skull.

END OF FLASHBACK

Me: I was a POW!

COP#1: A what did when?

COP#2: I think he means he was a Prisoner of War.

COP#1: Ohhh...a P.O.W

Me: That's what I said, ain't it!

Their Captain marches in.

Police Captain: Interrogation's over! Let him go, boys.

COP#1: You gotta be shitting me, Captain!

I hop off the chair and struts my way to freedom.

COP#2: How did he -

Captain: I got a call from the Head of Homeland Security, okay? The furball is former CIA. Its a matter of national security.

Me: (muttering under my breaf) We can close each others' eyes real fast, but then nobody's gonna make no money. Natch.

O -out.